Did everything reluctantly

IN the middle of last year, I got a big depression after quarreling with my wife.Actually I beat her badly, perhaps, it was because of my guilt, God punished me, I was trapped in the depression for a long time and unable to get rid of it. I suffered from the disease, feeling life was boring and uninteresting, meanwhile, I cannot tolerate the pain and even wanted to finish myself,but I clearly knew that was wrong. If I left the world, how painful my parents, wife and my little daughter would feel！I managed to stay alive, and went back to my work again, which made my family pleased.However,I knew I'm not happy, I did everything reluctantly,pretending to be happy. I hope God could help me out of this situation.